“A man can suffocate on courtesy.”
Thank you, The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail, for expressing my exact thoughts.
Last year I had an issue with not saying how I felt. I let people walk
all over me and I never said anything, and this year I’ve decided to
not let that happen again. Not my senior year. And yet, now that I’m
actually standing up for myself, people are telling me to back down.
How ironic that the same people who told me that I’m too nice and that
I shouldn’t let people treat me a certain way are the same ones who are
telling me to suck it up and stay quiet for the sake of “getting
along”. Well, I think that’s bullshit.
Everyone says that one of my best traits is how genuine I am, how I’m
one of the only truly sincere high school-ers left, and yet I feel more
and more pressure to be fake. From the people who praised my genuinity
none-the-less. I would like to stress the difference between being
polite and being fake. Being polite is being cordial, being mature,
handling situations without conflict or rudeness. But going up to
someone that you genuinely don’t like and asking how there day was, or
being all “HI!”, or asking them to work with you, or sitting next to
them, or whatever other similar example you can think of, that’s being
fake to me. Being polite, yes, I do understand the importance of
keeping your differences under wraps for the sake of not having an
awkward environment, and I understand that there’s no need to
purposefully rude or mean, because there’s no need to purposefully make
someone feel badly, but I do not, and probably never will, understand
the idea of being fake. I hate when people talk such shit about someone
and then go and pretend like they like them, as if they’re friendly if
not friends with them. It even honestly makes me a little sad. Because
it makes me feel like you can’t trust people because you never know
what people are really saying behind your back.
I don’t want to feel that way, and I certainly don’t want people to
feel that way about me. So please, please don’t ask me to do that
anymore. It kills me to do it, and it hurts me that someone would even
tell me to do it in the first place. Because if you take that core away
from me, you won’t have me at all. There will be nothing of me left.
And what will you do when I am no longer that girl that you originally
adored? You won’t want to be friends with me anymore, that’s what.
You’ll have ruined my innocence and then left me once I’ve become what
you wanted me to. You’ll have made me fit for surivival in the world,
but have ruined what made me different.
I am that sweet, sensitive girl who needs to be genuine, who has grown
enough to stand up for herself and stand by her convictions, but is
still the same person at her core. So don’t try to change that, please.
I like who I am and I would hope that as my friend, you like who I am