So many things are annoying me lately. Correction, so many PEOPLE are
annoying me lately. And the odd thing about it is that I don’t even
have to be talking to someone to start getting annoyed with them. I
could just be sitting and something reminds me of them and then I just
go on this insane mental tangent of how they bug the shit out of me.
Hcschedules.com has provided many a subject for my list of annoyance.
So much so that I have decided to cut down my visits to their site so
as not to have an annurism.
I feel horrible when I do that. When I start picking people apart and
noticing every little fault. Most of the time the people I do it to
aren’t even mean to me, they’re just obnoxious. And being obnoxious is
no reason to dwell on their imperfections. I blame it on my extreme
sensitivity lately. The fact that everyone’s leaving and the fact that
my grandmother died on wed. (SAY WHAT?! Yes, you heard right. But
please don’t IM me or leave me comments with your condolences if we don’t talk otherwise. I know
you care but it just seems so depressing when the only time people talk
to you is to give you sympathy that really never helps that much any
way.) have made me a little on edge.
However, I can’t blame it entirely on that because I have been feeling
this way since the last week or so of junior year. I think I get caught
up in people sometimes because I just like to make friends, and I don’t
actually take the time to decide if they’re worth it or not. I’ve been
backstabbed and walked all over because of this, but I also find myself
in friendships that I really don’t want to be in. I can’t just pull
away because then I feel badly, but at the same time I am not one to be
fake and pretend to be your friend when I am not. Politeness and
friendship are 2 completely different things. I have also noticed that
I have high standards for friendships. And even if a person doesn’t
meet them I’ll still hang on because my friendships mean a lot to me.
But once I’ve decided that you’re not worth my time any more, that’s
it. I rarely give second chances. And that might seem harsh to you but
really my tolerance level of first chances is really equivalent to
about 4 chances for most people.
School is starting and it’s time for a fresh start. I’ve cleaned
saved conversations and saved files on my computer and I’ve thrown out
old letters. I’m okay with life and I think it’s mainly because the
summer time means that you only have to hang out with the people you
want to. I plan on keeping that up during the school year. So watch
kiddos. I don’t even care if you’re in my classes. If you’re going to
mess up my mental utopia, then I’m not talking to you. Because
didn’t you know? Sometimes you have to be a bitch to get what you want,
even girls next door.