The summer heat makes me angry and tired. I could sleep the entire day
away. I fell asleep during CWS2 the other day when we were watching a
movie on the green house effect. I bet the environmentalists will love
that. However, after the movie, I particpated in discussing the facts
of global warming moreso than most of the kids who actually watched it.
This was my way of redeeming myself. I never fall asleep in class.
Today in class Ian and I became representatives of Sweden for an
environmental treaty. We want everyone to be nice to one another and
play koombaya. Oh, and eat Swedish Fish. Or at least that’s how Ian and
I interpreted the fact sheet.

I ran into Meredith today, I only got to talk to her for awhile though
before she had to go the opposite way as I needed to in order to meet
up with Paige. Adam was there, too and I tried to recite the haiku that
I made him, but I failed miserably. Oh well, I’ll just have to write a
new one. Jeremy and Mike are extremely burned. And it only made me wish
that I was a senior even more.

13 days until I leave for Israel. 3 days after school ends. I don’t
return until August 3rd. I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited and
yet so terrified for something in my life. And not because of the
“terrorist risks” for numerous reasons that I do not feel like typing
at this time (but if you are worried about my safety, I would gladly
reassure you with them at a later time). No, it is not because of that
but rather the fear of what will happen when I leave. I won’t get a
chance to properly say goodbye to some of my favorite people in the
entire world, who happen to be seniors. I won’t get a chance to hang
out with everyone that I want to. And I won’t be here for the majority
of the summer. You say that nothing really happens, that summers in
Flemington are about as eventful as watching paint dry or some other
cliched remark. But it’s not. I’ve been going away for the summers
since I was 12, and things happen. Inside jokes are made, relationships
formed, relationships ended… and that was only in the 3 1/2 weeks
that I was used to. Those extra two weeks, although needed to fully
experience Israel, are a hinderance to me. When I come back I will be a
different person; changed in some way, and that scares me, too. I know
that I should go, and that it will be the best experience of  my
entire life, I don’t doubt that for one second. It is simply the
hesitation of leaving an idea of summer that I’ve never really had. The
kind where you stay at home, doing nothing but possibly working in the
day and spending the evenings with your friends. No homework, water
fights, tanning, Six Flags, trips to the city, and the random
adventures that make stories amazing to tell. I don’t want to come back
and feel like a stranger amidst those who I’m close too. I don’t want
to miss out or be left out.

Geez. I might OD on sentimentality.

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5 thoughts on “”

  1. arika, i love you, and i am terribly excited for this summer, but i definitely know what you mean about leaving the idea of a lazy summer that you’ve never known behind. i’ve never known it either, and i also wish that i could have random adventures, for about two weeks…and then i realize, its ISRAEL. and i luckily had my last day of school today, and then i just have finals the rest of the week (actually officially school ends next tuesday, but no-one pays attention to that) but anyways, my point is that if i were ending only three days before the trip…well, i would also be having major anxiety attacks and sentimental meltdowns. speaking of melting, i hate heat also. i have such a low tolerance for it. i dont know what i’ll do in israel. pffft. anyways, i LOVE YOU. and i will see you soon (and therefore, look forward to the trip!)

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  2. i feel the same way about summer. have fun in israel, and tell me all about it when you get back, so i can start looking forward to when i (finally, whenever it may be) get to go myself. you crazy camp kids.

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  3. I know you’re scared for the summer. But don’t see it as you leaving Flemington behind, see it as you being introduced to Israel. This is Machon. This is the summer we’ve been looking forward to since we were little Sprouties. Two extra weeks of YJ-intensity. See it as two weeks for everything to maybe play itself out properly for once. It’s like a double header, two sessions of camp back to back. Double the inside jokes, double the 24/7 bonding, double the drama. Double the pleasure, double the fun. That’s the statement of the great mint of Doublemint Gum. And don’t you forget it.

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  4. arika i havent been on xanga forever. just want to let you know. i missa you!? we have to hang out this summer if u find ur fone haha

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